Getting Out, Crohnie Style

Growing up I never considered myself a "social butterfly"
Don't get me wrong, I had friends and spent alot of time with them (keep in mind, this was before internet and social media, so we actually went over to other peoples houses, parks, etc) Highschool was the same. You had your friends and you stayed in your clicks, but you all "knew" each other.
After highschool, most went their separate ways, some stayed in touch, others faded away only to reconnect later with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.
I was diagnosed less than two years out of highschool and immediately lost my girlfriend of 3 years, after my first surgery, because she couldn't handle my illness. You find out real quick who your friends are, through no fault your own.  I don't blame those who faded away but I know I personally wouldnt leave a friend when they are needed the most.  Again, I dont blame anyone because everyone handles things differently.
Crohn's made me a virtual shut in. In a matter of months, I dropped from a healthy athletic 170lbs, to skin and bone 115lbs. Once it took the fat in my body, it ate away at my muscle, I looked anorexic. At one point, asked by a complete stranger if I had AIDS. After that day, I didnt want to go out, I didnt want to be seen. Steroids made me gain weight, but not much. I couldnt maintain weight because the nutrients from food went right through me.
Fast forward to 6 years ago. Remicade changed everything when it came to living with Crohn's.  I started to gain REAL weight and maintain it, but I still didnt feel secure enough to go out.  I go out with my family to enjoy my wife and boys but not far from home. I still feel very insecure.
This week, there was a get together of my highschool friends, some of which I went to elementary school with, and that insecurity kicked in. I'm on social media and put it out there when it comes to my illness but that's to help me and to help others like me. I didn't know if some of these highschool friends knew anything about how my life has been, and is. I knew some did, but not sure how many. Two people we knew in school passed away recently and kind of put things into perspective. If I went, the whole thought of having to explain why I cant stay, or why I cant eat or drink brought a lot of anxiety and stress. I was still debating whether to go or not up until about half an hour before I was to leave. The 15 minute drive to the restaurant was a drive with my heart beating hard and butterflies in my stomach. I sat in the parking lot for at least 10 minutes before getting the courage to go inside. I literally took a deep breathe, grabbed my phone and wallet and said out loud, "fuck it, let's do this".
Four hours later, 100's of memories, lot's of laughs and tears (from laughing).... I'm glad I went.
Basically everyone knew about my condition, no judgement, no pushing me to have a drink or food and some knew others with Crohn's. It will be great to see everyone again one day.
What did I take from this? Life's too short to keep worrying about things I cannot change. I've been told this by many people, many times, including my wife but I think it took the passing of two people my own age, by no fault of their own, to put things into perspective.
So, even though I may never be 100%...ever... through the pain and fatigue, you just have to say,

"fuck it, let's do this"

.