Monday, December 24, 2018

'Twas The Night Before a Crohnie Christmas

Every year for the past 13 years, I read Twas the night before Christmas to my kids on Christmas eve before they go to bed....here's the Crohn's Disease version that I don't read to my kids...
***warning: language***

‘Twas the night before a Crohnie Christmas, quiet as a mouse
Trying to get to the bathroom without disturbing the spouse.
The TP was hung by the toilet with care,
In hopes that I don’t run out whilst I sat there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
I hope I’m not too loud lest I wake their sleepy heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
But I had to get up, I needed to crap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my throne to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Still pulling up my underwear to cover my ass.

I live on the coast so there wasn’t any snow
Just dreary wet grass that I can see below.
When, what to my very tired eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

A decrepit old driver, not lively or quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
He didn’t look well, he must be inflamed,
But he whistled, and shouted, and called his reindeer by name!

"Now Crohns! Now, Colitis! Now, Pain and Grouch!
On, Abscess! On, Fistula! On, Ostomy and J-Pouch!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"


And then, in an instant, I heard on the roof,
The scratching and farting of that big, silly aof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his toe,
He looked very fatigued, he moved really slow.
A bundle of toys he had flung on my chair,
He looked in pain, it must be a flare.

His eyes, how they squinted! His face quite scary!
He let out a fart, not pleasant or airey!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
I was getting prepared, he was gonna let another one go.

The bags under his eyes, I saw his fatigue
That comes from living with this dam Crohn's Disease.
He had a broad face, (must be the Prednisone),
If he didn’t hurry, he would soon need the throne.


He was chubby and plump, a right smelly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
The moon face, mood swings and twitch of the head,
Soon gave me to know it was for sure the Pred.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to the bathroom,
And filled my toilet with a splat! and a KABOOM!
And laying his fingers, covering his nose,
Giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, he now weighed so much less,
He thanked me and apologized for the big mess.
But when I heard him exclaim, I realized he knew my plight,
“I have Crohn’s Disease too, it’s going to be one HELL of a night!!”

Merry Christmas everyone, hopefully it is disease-free. At least for one day
-Vern

12 Days a Crohnie Christmas : Day 12

Now everyone sing......

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...12 rolls of toilet paper,

11 packs of underwear,
10 visits to the ER,
9 blood tests,
8 B12 shots,
7 different doctors,
6 Remicade infusions,
5 fistulaaaaaaaaaaa's,
4 kidney stones,
3 bone density tests,
2 peri-anal abscesses

and a painful colonoscopyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Merry Christmas!!!

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 24

Opening the last door this morning to find.....

..... hope

Hope....they will find the cause
Hope....they will find the cure
Hope....that we all spend as little time in hospital as possible
Hope....that all IBD'ers around the world, have the most healthy of years for 2019

And that closes the Advent calendar for another year.  
Looking forward to next year!
Thanks for stopping by!!

I'd like to wish a very Merry Christmas to the whole Crohn's and Colitis family out there, all the chronically ill and the healthy.

All the best for a happy and healthy 2019!!!!

~Vern

Sunday, December 23, 2018

12 Days a Crohnie Christmas : Day 11

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...11 packs of underwear,

10 visits to the ER,
9 blood tests,
8 B12 shots,
7 different doctors,
6 Remicade infusions,
5 fistulaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa's,
4 kidney stones,
3 bone density tests,
2 peri-anal abscesses
and a painful colonoscopy.

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 23

Opening door #23 today to find....

designer ostomy bags!!!
(I don't need them......yet, but they look cool)

Check back tomorrow for the last door

Saturday, December 22, 2018

12 Days a Crohnie Christmas : Day 10

On the tenth day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...10 visits to the ER,

9 blood tests,
8 B12 shots,
7 different doctors,
6 Remicade infusions,
5 fistulaaaaaaaaaaaaaa's,
4 kidney stones,
3 bone density tests,
2 peri-anal abscesses
and a painful colonoscopy.

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 22

Opening door #22 today to find....

12 pack of Boost !!!
(for those vitamins and minerals)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Friday, December 21, 2018

12 Days a Crohnie Christmas : Day 9

On the ninth day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...9 blood tests,

8 B12 shots,
7 different doctors,
6 Remicade infusions,
5 fistulaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa's,
4 kidney stones,
3 bone density tests,
2 peri-anal abscesses
and a painful colonoscopy.

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 21

Opening door #21 today to find....

$1000 iTunes gift card !!!
(for those long hospital nights.....and days)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Thursday, December 20, 2018

12 Days a Crohnie Christmas : Day 8

On the eighth day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...8 B12 shots,

7 different doctors,
6 Remicade infusions,
5 fistulaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa's,
4 kidney stones,
3 bone density tests,
2 peri-anal abscesses
and a painful colonoscopy.

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 20

Opening door #20 today to find....

Funky looking socks !!!
(for those long hospital nights)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Remicade : Day 2339

When I went to my Gastro in November, she recommended we up the dose on my Remicade (Infliximab) infusions, from 400mg to 600 mg.
She stated that new research has shown that for those on the biologic, where the Remicade levels are remaining normal but the Crohn's is not 100% in remission, raising the mg can help with the process.
For me, I still have the nagging peri anal abscess and she said that they would like to raise it to 1000 mg to maybe get rid of the fistulas and abscess.
So today was the first infusion in this process. We started at 600 mg and will do 600 mg for a while to see how my body reacts to the higher dosage. I'm still on the fast track so the actual infusion is only just over an hour and its been about 5 hours and I feel fine, just a little more tired than usual.

Fingers crossed this works.

12 Days a Crohnie Christmas : Day 7

On the seventh day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...7 different doctors,

6 Remicade infusions,
5 fistulaaaaaaaaaa's,
4 kidney stones,
3 bone density tests,
2 peri-anal abscesses
and a painful colonoscopy.

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 19

Opening door #19 today to find....

Underwear!!!
(enough said)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

12 Days a Crohnie Christmas : Day 6

On the sixth day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...6 Remicade infusions,

5 fistulaaaaaaaaaa's,
4 kidney stones,
3 bone density tests,
2 peri-anal abscesses
and a painful colonoscopy.

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 18

Opening door #18 today to find....

Germoline !! (antiseptic cream)
(to keep those burning areas calm)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Monday, December 17, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 17

Opening door #17 today to find....

Heating pad !!
(to make those veins pop....or just to keep warm)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

12 Days Of A Crohnie Christmas : Day 5

On the fifth day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...5 fistulaaaaaaaaaa's,

4 kidney stones,
3 bone density tests,
2 peri-anal abscesses
and a painful colonoscopy.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 16

Opening door #16 today to find....

Vitamin D !!
(sunshine in a pill)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

12 Days Of A Crohnie Christmas : Day 4

On the fourth day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...4 kidney stones,

3 bone density tests,
2 peri-anal abscesses
and a painful colonoscopy.

Saturday, December 15, 2018

12 Days Of A Crohnie Christmas : Day 3

On the third day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...3 bone density tests,

2 peri-anal abscesses,
and a painful colonoscopy.

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 15

Opening door #15 today to find....

epsom salts !!
(to help those "burning" days)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

12 Days a Crohnie Christmas : Day 2

On the second day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........
...2 peri-anal abscesses

and a painful colonoscopy.

Friday, December 14, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 14

Opening door #14 today to find....

a book called "The Million and 1 (and then some) Excuses Why I Can't Go Anywhere (but I really want to) Because of My Crohn's"
(because there just aren't enough)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Thursday, December 13, 2018

12 Days a Crohnie Christmas : Day 1

On the first day of Christmas, my Crohns Disease gave to me.........

...a painful colonoscopy.

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 13

Opening door #13 today to find....

Multi vitamins !!  
(eventhough no matter how many you take won't be enough)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 12

Opening door #12 today to find....

Another bag of Costco toilet paper !!  
(because you've already ran out from December 1st)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 11

Opening door #11 today to find....

A T-shirt that says "I know I don't LOOK sick" !!  


Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Monday, December 10, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 10

Opening door #10 today to find....

A keg size bottle of Poo-pourri !!  
(everyone thanks you)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 9

Opening door #9 today to find....

A "Get out of work (but still get paid) card" !!  
(wish I had one for each day of the year)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 8

Opening door #8 today to find....

Piece and quiet !!  
(so we can nap!!)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Friday, December 7, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 7

Opening door #7 today to find....

Protein Bars !!  
(for that nice light snack)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 6

Opening door #6 today to find....

B 12 !!  
(we all need that "boost")

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 5

Opening door #5 today to find....

Pillows !!  
(you know, cuz you need one for your head, between your knees, under your knees, small  of your back and generally just be surrounded by pillows)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 4

Opening door #4 today to find....

Prednisone !!  
(even though you don't want it....you need it)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Monday, December 3, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 3

Opening door #3 today to find....

Broth !!  
(for those flare days)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 2

Opening door #2 today to find....

Baby wipes !!  
(only IBD'ers will understand)

Check back each day until Dec 24 !

Saturday, December 1, 2018

Crohnie Advent Calendar : Day 1

December 1st marks the first day of the Crohnie calendar, so let's see what's behind the first door this year....

Costco size bag of toilet paper !!


Check back each day until Dec 24 !