Wednesday, December 30, 2015

You Might Be A Crohnie

If  you are more embarrassed buying toilet paper then you are buying condoms or tampons
...you might be a Crohnie

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Twas The Night Before A Crohnie Christmas

Here, once again, is my version of the famous poem. 
There are some words that might offend, but.....well.....I never said I was politically correct =)

 Enjoy !!!

‘Twas the night before a Crohnie Christmas, quiet as a mouse
Trying to get to the bathroom without disturbing the spouse.
The TP was hung by the toilet with care,
In hopes that I don’t run out whilst I sat there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
I hope I’m not too loud lest I wake their sleepy heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
But I had to get up, I needed to crap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my throne to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Still pulling up my underwear to cover my ass.

I live on the coast so there wasn’t any snow
Just dreary wet grass that I can see below.
When, what to my very tired eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

A decrepit old driver, not lively or quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
He didn’t look well, he must be inflamed,
But he whistled, and shouted, and called his reindeer by name!

"Now Crohns! Now, Colitis! Now, Pain and Grouch!
On, Abscess! On, Fistula! On, Ostomy and J-Pouch!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

And then, in an instant, I heard on the roof,
The scratching and farting of that big, silly goof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his toe,
He looked very fatigued, he moved really slow.

A bundle of toys he had flung on my chair,
He looked in pain, it must be a flare.

His eyes, how they squinted! His face quite scary!
He let out a fart, not pleasant or airey!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
I was getting prepared, he was gonna let another one go.

The bags under his eyes, I saw his fatigue
That comes from living with this dam Crohn's Disease.

He had a broad face, (must be the Prednisone),
If he didn’t hurry, he would soon need the throne.


He was chubby and plump, a right smelly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
The moon face, mood swings and twitch of the head,
Soon gave me to know it was for sure the Pred.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to the bathroom,
And filled my toilet with a splat! and a KABOOM!

And laying his fingers, covering his nose,
Giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, he now weighed so much less,
He thanked me and apologized for the big mess.
But when I heard him exclaim, I realized he knew our plight,
“I have Crohn’s Disease too, it’s going to be one HELL of a night!!”
 
Merry Christmas everyone!!
 
 

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

Here we are, the last day, so now time to sing it......


On the twelfth day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
 ....12 rolls of super luxuriously soft toilet paper!

11 pairs of underwear,
10 Remicade infusions,
9 colonoscopies,
8 attentive and caring nurses,
7 types of medications,
6 different doctors and surgeons,
5 kidney stones,
4 visits to the ER,
3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy


Merry Christmas everyone!

.

Monday, December 14, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the eleventh day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
....11 pairs of underwear

10 Remicade infusions,
9 colonoscopies,
8 attentive and caring nurses,
7 types of medications,
6 different doctors and surgeons,
5 kidney stones,
4 visits to the ER,
3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy

Sunday, December 13, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the tenth day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
...10 Remicade infusions
9 colonoscopies,
8 attentive and caring nurses,
7 types of medications,
6 different doctors and surgeons,
5 kidney stones,
4 visits to the ER,
3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy

Saturday, December 12, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the ninth day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
...9 colonoscopies

8 attentive and caring nurses,
7 types of medications,
6 different doctors and surgeons,
5 kidney stones,
4 visits to the ER,
3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy

Friday, December 11, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the eighth day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
...8 attentive and caring nurses
7 types of medications,
6 different doctors and surgeons,
5 kidney stones,
4 visits to the ER,
3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy
.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the seventh day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
...7 types of medications


6 different doctors and surgeons,
5 kidney stones,
4 visits to the ER,
3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy
.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the sixth day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
...6 different doctors and surgeons

5 kidney stones,
4 visits to the ER,
3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy
.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the fifth day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
...5 kidney stones,

4 visits to the ER,
3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy
.

Monday, December 7, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the fourth day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
... 4 visits to the ER,

3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy
.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the third day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
... 3 sleepless nights,

2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopy
.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

On the second day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me...
... 2 fistulating peri anal abscesses

and a flexible sigmoidoscopy
.

Friday, December 4, 2015

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

That time of year again...

On the first day of Christmas my Crohns Disease gave to me....
... a flexible sigmoidoscopy !!!

Thursday, December 3, 2015

You Might Be A Crohnie

If you do your best thinking while sitting on the toilet...because that's where you always are...
you might be a Crohnie