Saturday, December 24, 2016

'Twas The Night Before a Crohnie Christmas

Every year for the past 11 years, I read Twas the night before Christmas to my kids on Christmas eve before they go to's the Crohn's Disease version that I don't read to my kids...

‘Twas the night before a Crohnie Christmas, quiet as a mouse
Trying to get to the bathroom without disturbing the spouse.
The TP was hung by the toilet with care,
In hopes that I don’t run out whilst I sat there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
I hope I’m not too loud lest I wake their sleepy heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
But I had to get up, I needed to crap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my throne to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Still pulling up my underwear to cover my ass.

I live on the coast so there wasn’t any snow
Just dreary wet grass that I can see below.
When, what to my very tired eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

A decrepit old driver, not lively or quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
He didn’t look well, he must be inflamed,
But he whistled, and shouted, and called his reindeer by name!

"Now Crohns! Now, Colitis! Now, Pain and Grouch!
On, Abscess! On, Fistula! On, Ostomy and J-Pouch!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

And then, in an instant, I heard on the roof,
The scratching and farting of that big, silly goof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his toe,
He looked very fatigued, he moved really slow.

A bundle of toys he had flung on my chair,
He looked in pain, it must be a flare.

His eyes, how they squinted! His face quite scary!
He let out a fart, not pleasant or airey!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
I was getting prepared, he was gonna let another one go.

The bags under his eyes, I saw his fatigue
That comes from living with this dam Crohn's Disease.

He had a broad face, (must be the Prednisone),
If he didn’t hurry, he would soon need the throne.

He was chubby and plump, a right smelly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
The moon face, mood swings and twitch of the head,
Soon gave me to know it was for sure the Pred.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to the bathroom,
And filled my toilet with a splat! and a KABOOM!

And laying his fingers, covering his nose,
Giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, he now weighed so much less,
He thanked me and apologized for the big mess.
But when I heard him exclaim, I realized he knew my plight,
“I have Crohn’s Disease too, it’s going to be one HELL of a night!!”
Merry Christmas everyone!!

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 24

Opening the final toilet seat door this morning to find...

it empty....because one day this door will be filled with a cure

Merry Christmas !!

Friday, December 23, 2016

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

You Might Be A Crohnie

If you lose count how many times you sit on the toilet in the night...

you might be a Crohnie

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 21

Opening the toilet seat door this morning to find...

a magnifying glass !! (to find my veins)

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Monday, December 19, 2016

12 Days A Crohnie Christmas

I'm reposting my 12 Days....make sure you sing it !!

On the twelfth day of Christmas my Crohn's Disease gave to me...

12 rolls of super luxuriously soft toilet paper
11 pairs of underwear,
10 Remicade infusions,
9 colonoscopies,
8 attentive and caring nurses,
7 types of medications,
6 different doctors and surgeons,
5 kidneyyyyyyy stonnnnnnnnes,
4 visits to the ER,
3 sleepless nights,
2 fistulating peri anal abscesses
and a flexible sigmoidoscopyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !! 

Merry Christmas everyone!

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 19

Opening the toilet seat door this morning to find...

a Get Out Of Jail free card !! (to be used at the hospital)

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 18

Opening the toilet seat door this morning to find...

jeans !!!  (but in every size possible for the weight gain and loss and gain and loss..)

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 17

Opening the toilet seat door this morning to find....

the "10,001 excuses to tell people why you can't participate in things", book !!!

Friday, December 16, 2016

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

You Should Have Your Head Examined.....

I had my dermatologist appointment today to look at some weird stuff going on with the top of my head.  I guess I can add another doctor to my list, dermatologist, family dr, gastro, surgeon (x2), urologist and dietician.
So, I have a form of plaque psoriasis on top of my head that has formed a hard shell.  It started out a few months ago as just red and itchy, but has now turned into a dark, crusty shell about 4-5 cm circle.  The Dr was concerned about being cancerous so took a biopsy right in the office.  It was kinda humorous because the dr gave me a piece of paper and told me to go back to the reception desk. I gave it to the lady and she turned and called out to another lady "we've got a procedure" and told me to take a seat while they prepped the room.  I went to sit and was wondering what prep the room meant.  What the hell are they going to do to me?!  It's just a biopsy, are they removing my head or something?!!  LOL
She called me in to a rather large room that had a chair in the center with a big light above lighting up the chair like a spotlight.  I realize it's so the dr can see what he's doing but it looked like something out of a sci-fi movie reminiscent of alien abductions and some weird experiments going to be performed. It was rather uncomfortable as far as big chairs go, but I just wanted to get this over and done with. He injected some local freezing and waited....thank god...then started to cut a piece of my scalp. I'm always amused by doctors when they start a procedure and say "ooooh" or "ummmm" or "hmmmm". He then asked me if I'm on blood thinners...maybe should have asked BEFORE cutting into me, but....I'm not. Apparently there was quite a bit of blood for such a small cut. He had a lot of cleaning up before sewing me back up.  Now I have to wait until February for results....not happy about that.....hoping it's not cancerous and its something that can be fixed.  I've been wearing more hats lately.  Now the freezing is wearing off....ouch. I need to go to my regular dr to have the stiches removed in a couple of weeks, yay.

Well, my mum always said I needed my head examined, so I'm sure she was looking down on me having a good chuckle.

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 13

Opening the toilet seat door this morning to find.....

vitamin D !!!!!!!!

Monday, December 12, 2016

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 12

Opening the toilet seat door this morning to find...

keys to the executive washroom !!!

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 11

Opening the toilet seat door this morning to find...

cranberry tea !!!  (to help combat kidney stones)

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Crohn's and Your Teeth

Anyone else noticed problems with your teeth?  More and more lately I've been having problems with mine.  I've had two pulled because they broke, one root canal (so far), one completely broke in half but is still in because its not causing any problems and now just a few days ago, part of another tooth literally "fell away".  I wasn't even eating!! Now I need a crown or root canal.
After this last one got me thinking if its just me or if it's a Crohnie problem?
Almost 30 years of different meds, lack of nutrition, dehydration and overall lack of the proper vitamins and minerals obviously take their toll of the body (and soul). It's frustrating at all the things that can go wrong based on one disease.  Yes it's a bowel disease, but affects the body as a whole from the top of your head to the tip of your toes.  It's never just one....

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 10

Opening the toilet seat door this morning to find....

world map of every possible public washroom !!!

Friday, December 9, 2016

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Monday, December 5, 2016

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 5

Lifting the toilet seat door to find....

baby wipes !!  (cuz you just never know)

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 4

Lifting the toilet seat door to find...

shampoo samples !!! (for when you have to go in to hospital)

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Friday, December 2, 2016

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Crohn's Advent Calendar - Day 1

Morning all!  It's that time of year again, the month of opening my Crohn's advent calendar.
Hope everyone has a healthy month!

Opening the first door, which looks like a toilet seat, to find.....

toilet paper !!!!

Come back each day to see what's next....