You Might Be A Crohnie


If you say the phrase "ahhhhhh, shit!" and mean it, literally...
you might be a Crohnie

If the only thing about your colonoscopy you worry about is whether the video will go viral...
you might be a Crohnie

If you hear the phrase "anal probing" and you DON'T think of alien abductions...
you might be a Crohnie

If you can still fit in your jeans from Highschool....
you might be a Crohnie


If you map out your trip to the corner store based on how many public washrooms you pass.....
you might be a Crohnie


If you own stock in bathroom tissue......
you might be a Crohnie


If you hold the world record for the amount of times going to the bathroom in an hour......
you might be a Crohnie
If the staff at the local hospital knows you by your first name.....
you might be a Crohnie

If you are told 'You don't LOOK sick' 10 times a day......
you might be a Crohnie

If your intestines talk to you loudly and you tell people you're just hungry.....
you might be a Crohnie
If you can actually spell G-A-S-T-R-O-E-N-T-E-R-O-L-O-G-I-S-T.....
you might be a Crohnie

If you can tell how you are feeling by the shape, color, smell and volume of your poop.....
you might be a Crohnie

If all the toilet seats in your house are DOWN.......
you might be a Crohnie
If your family and friends give you gift cards to the local pharmacy.....
you might be a Crohnie

If you go in to Emergency already with your jewelry removed and just carrying your medical card......
you might be a Crohnie

If you start to get worried when you get down to the last 3 rolls of toilet paper in your house.....
you might be a Crohnie
If you have to pass gas and HOPE you just pass gas.....
you might be a Crohnie

If you can run to the bathroom and take down your pants in world record time......
you might be a Crohnie

If you have a hospital bag packed and ready to go, just in case.....
you might be a Crohnie
If you get excited when toilet bowl cleaner goes on sale....
you might be a Crohnie


If the dog farts and people look at you.....
you might be a Crohnie
If there is a refrigerator in your bathroom....
you might be a Crohnie

If your license plate says "GOT2GO"....
you might be a Crohnie

If you can eat junk food with no problem, but get flare ups from salad.....
you might be a Crohnie
If you can produce enough gas to power a small rocket....
you might be a Crohnie

If hanging out at the hospital on a Friday night is your idea of fun....
you might be a Crohnie

If there are more holes in you than a dead gangster....
you might be a Crohnie
If you know exactly how much intestine you have........left....
you might be a Crohnie

If hearing the phrase "you're so skinny, you should eat something" makes you want to scream....
you might be a Crohnie

If you could bottle your disease and sell it as the new celebrity diet and make millions....
you might be a Crohnie

If you can just LOOK at food and tell how long it'll take from the time you eat it until you have to go to the bathroom....
you might be a Crohnie

If after going to the bathroom, you come out, exhausted and out of breath like you just ran a marathon...
you might be a Crohnie


If you know the difference between fistulating and nonfistulating perianal disease...
you might be a Crohnie
If you can physically SEE your abdomen "deflate" as you pass gas...
you might be a Crohnie
If according to the 2014 Guinness Book of World Records, under "Toilet Sitting", you see your picture...
you might be a Crohnie
If you call your bloated abdomen your "Crohn's baby"...
you might be a Crohnie
If you don't eat for days before the big game, simply so you don't have to go to the bathroom while its on ...
you might be a Crohnie
If when the doctor says "open wide".......you bend over...
you might be a Crohnie
If your farts smell like something from the world of Zombies
...you might be a Crohnie

If you try and go a whole day without talking about your bowel noises and fail miserably
...you might be a Crohnie
If you scan a building while you're out, not for the exits, but for the bathrooms
...you might be a Crohnie


If you can feel good one minute and be in hospital the next...literally
...you might be a Crohnie

 If you can drink all day long and still be dehydrated....
you might be a Crohnie
If you start naming your kidney stones like they do with hurricanes...
you might be a Crohnie
If you lose count how many times you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night
...you might be a Crohnie
If one of the decisions you make for the day, is whether or not to just get out of bed ...you might be a Crohnie

If you use your wedding ring as a barometer to gauge how much weight you gain or lose ... you might be a Crohnie

If you do your best thinking while sitting on the toilet...because that's where you always are...
you might be a Crohnie

If you are more embarrassed buying toilet paper then you are buying condoms or tampons
...you might be a Crohnie

If getting out of bed is one of the highlights of your day...
you might be a Crohnie

If your trigger food is.....well.......food...
you might be a Crohnie
If the question, "how are you feeling?", is THE most difficult question in the world to answer
...you might be a Crohnie
If you have all the ingredients memorized on the bottles in your bathroom ...you might be a Crohnie
If you can tell when they change the toilet paper... just by the feel of it ...you might be a Crohnie
If the airport security asks, "Can I look in your bag?" and you lift your shirt ...you might be a Crohnie
If your version of multitasking is farting without crapping yourself ...you might be a Crohnie
If your veins are as hard to find as the Invisible Man
 ... you might be a Crohnie


If your peri-anal abscess is only the size of a quarter, but FEELS like a watermelon ...you might be a Crohnie

If getting out of bed and having a shower is your version of "working out"
...you might be a Crohnie


If you find yourself hoarding the mini shampoo bottles from hotels to replenish your stock for when you go in to hospital...you might be a Crohnie

If you lose count how many times you sit on the toilet in the night...
you might be a Crohnie


If trying to eat healthy means NOT going for the salad...
you might be a Crohnie


If after you finished getting dressed, you already have to change your underwear
...you might be a Crohnie


If your ass feels like 3rd degree burns from going to the toilet every few minutes for 9 hours...

you might be a Crohnie

If you miss HAVING an ass...
you might be a Crohnie


If you can do a complete wardrobe change while sitting on the toilet...
you might be a Crohnie

If you constantly adjust your belt notches throughout the day
...you might be a Crohnie


If you have the energy of a sloth but can still get to the toilet in under 3 seconds...
you might be a Crohnie

 
If you pull a muscle while going to the toilet... you might be a Crohnie






22 comments:

Jack Mercury said...

If your mess come to your house in such a big box your neighbours think you're getting a new tv, you might be a crohnie

brad burns said...

if you know when a new name and phone number have been scratched onto the wall of your favorite stall at the grocery store, you might be a crohnie

Vern said...

LOL...nice additions!!! Thanks!

Ward Hammond said...

Love it. Glad I found you. 33 years a Crohnie.

Vern said...

Thanks!

Jan Karsten said...

If you have people treat you like shit because they don't believe how often you have to
shit...you too, my dear, are a Crohnie.

Vern said...

LOL!

Anonymous said...

If you know restaurants by the quality of their bathrooms instead of food.....you might be a Crohnie.
18 yr old girl here, just hit my 5 year mark of having Crohn's

Vernon Laine said...

ohhh so true...good one!

Anonymous said...

If your son moves out and a weeks supply of toilet paper lasts a month..he might be a Crohnie. If you google search for charities that give out free t.p. Yep, crohnie.

Vern Laine said...

LOL....love it!!

Nicole G said...

If you know EXACTLY what brown can do for you. . . You might be a Crohnie

Nicole G said...

If you see ads for "Color Runs" for various local charities and think somehow a "Mud Run" would be more appropriate for your particular disease . . . You might be a Crohnie

Vern Laine said...

LOL, Nicole

Anonymous said...

Love your blog, I can relate to all of it!

Vern Laine said...

Thanks!

Joey said...

If you leave your house with your keys (check), glasses (check), wallet (check), and spare underwear (check).
If you think the flushable wipes are the greatest invention since sliced bread.

Vern Laine said...

Those are great!

connie Odonell said...

If you ask your son are there toilet at the sport ground his playing at you my have Crohn's.

Vern Laine said...

ohhh so true!

Donna said...

If you shudder at the idea of solid food which is easily becoming your "Enemy"
and willingly embrace a bland liquid diet void of taste or appeal, yet still
wonder why your bowels are convulsing and erupting while you race at break-neck
speed to the nearest porcelain throne; hoping, wishing you can retain your dignity this time.......knowing you'll not "make it." Again!....you might be a Crohnie.
Hang in there ya'll! ;) ...........says Donna

Vern Laine said...

Good one Donna!!!!