Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Crohn's Disease Obituary

As I lay on the couch dealing with the three abscesses in a NOT so pleasant area, gas pains and fatigue and while waiting for tomorrow to come as it is my year anniversary for Remicade infusions.....I thought of the day that Crohn's, and bowel diseases in general, will be cured.
So, what would an obituary say about Crohn's........here's my version......


Crohn’s Disease, prominent bowel disease, died last night from complications of losing his soul mates Ileitis and Colitis. No one is really sure of his age, but according to written records, he was over 81 years old.

Asked about the loss of his dear friend, IBS, the soon to be obsolete and forgotten disease, described Crohn’s as complicated and was looked up to by other diseases of the body for his wide range of symptoms.

In the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche.  This hidden quasi-Freudian persona surfaced in the super-ego-like pursuit of his desire to be the number one disease.   

Sadly, the protracted search ended early Monday morning in complete and utter failure.  Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Crohn’s secretly clung to the belief he was to live forever.

He is survived by IBS but has also come to the realization that soon another obituary will be written about him and will only survive in the pages of old medical journals.



Maybe...??  One day...??

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Crohn-fucius Say...

Crohn-fucius say... may your day be filled with clean underwear.

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Thursday, July 18, 2013

How Are You Today?

I love it when you're not feeling well and people ask "how are you today?"  "fine", you say, so not to garner more questions.  Well, it's that and the fact that at that moment they ask you, you are right in the middle of an attack.  So I came up with what the pain means to me.....

Please rip out
All my
Intestines
Now!



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Monday, July 15, 2013

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Summertime Crohnie.....Fun??

It's that time of year again.  Summertime!!  Fun in the sun, beaches, bbq's, pools, camping.....everything you could ever want.

Unless you're a Crohnie....

If the heat doesn't get you, the summertime 'treats' will.  Isn't it amazing that no matter whomever you talk to that has Crohn's, summertime is the one time of year that activates your Crohn's and then it takes the fall and winter to recover, just in time to do it all over again.
Is it because of the heat alone?  or is it because of the sun you spend more time outside and do more?  The heat makes anyone dehydrated, but if you are already dehydrated from your illness, double it.
Along with the dehydration comes exhaustion and aches and pains.  Like today, for me, I'm done in and its only 5pm.  My muscles ache when I get up and when I sit down, when I walk, when I lay down...etc etc etc.  Trying to take in salt, but doesn't seem to help.  Add to that, trying to keep up with a 6 and 8 year old. whew!  Tired just talking about it...
Or... is it from the bbq hot dogs, cold pasta salad, salad, Coke, ice cream sandwiches, freezes?? You know.....all the foods that blow you up like a balloon to the point that it looks as though you're going to give birth to some alien baby.  You know you aren't suppose to eat all that, but it's summertime after all.
Then there's the beach.  Good luck trying to get some sun.  With all the wonderful meds we take, you can get...what?....5 minutes of sun??  Even though you drown yourself in SPF 500 before you go out in it, put one long pants, hoodie and sun glasses, you always come out with some kind of burn that makes you look like some mutant lobster.
Is it worth it...??

hmmmm......

thinkingggggggggggg.......

Can't answer that.  For me, it's a yes and no answer.  I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight even though I am so so tired and I have to go in to work in the morning for a couple of hours.  But it's worth it....a little...for some summertime fun. 

Consider it practice for Christmas dinner....


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Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Crohn-fucius Say...

Crohn-fucius say...if you awaken thinking you are Jesus, it's just the morphine talking.



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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Canada Day Celebrations

Yesterday, July 1st, was Canada Day.  Canada's 146th birthday...happy birthday....and to all my fellow Canadians out there, I hope you all enjoyed some time celebrating the fact we live in a great country.
Where no one gets offended if you say homo milk, you get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs, you know that Mounties don't always look like that , you know basketball was invented by a Canadian, you don't care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with very good cigars, only in Canada do we have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering and only in Canada do we say sorry for....well.......everything.
And best of all, there are actually different meanings to the word "eh"....here are a few...

Eh? = what did you say?
Eh? = what do you think?
EH? = something to say just to end a sentence.
Ehhhh!! = WOW!!
EH!? = what do you mean?
Eh?? = your joking!!!??
EH!! = Hello..(you off in the distance!!!)
Eh? want a doughnut or some Tim Bits?
Eh! = sure!!
Eh? = what you say when you realize you have no money to pay for it.
Eh..cmon, eh? = asking them to let you pay for it next time.
hey..eh! = want to go to the drive-in movie??
Eh...uhuh = yes sure!
Eh..y'know = I'll pick you up at 8:00 (8:30 in Newfoundland).
Eh..cmon!! = well that's early..but ok.
Eh..wanna? eh? = lets fool around ...
EHHH-ehh, EHHH-ehh = baby's first cry.
Ehh..whadya think eh? = marry me.

But as I walked around the Canada Day celebrations with my Canadian family, made up of English, Dutch heritage, wearing our red and white, sporting our rub on "Canadiana" tattoos, looking at the diversity among us with the thousands of others with their families, carrying their Tim Hortons coffee mugs (eventhough it was almost 30C ), eating their Timbits, and listening to some Celtic/Irish band singing about Cape Breton on the east coast, as a Crohnie all I could think about was......

........where are the porta potties!!!

Happy Canada Day everyone!!  Love this country!!