Opening the bathroom stall door this morning to find...
... a winning lottery ticket !!
(so we never have to call in sick again....ever!)
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Monday, December 22, 2014
Crohns Advent Calendar - Day 22
Opening the bathroom stall door this morning to find...
... a neon sign flashing, "I know I don't LOOK sick"
... a neon sign flashing, "I know I don't LOOK sick"
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Crohns Advent Calendar - Day 21
Opening the bathroom stall door this morning to find...
... raspberry tea !!
(for those darn kidney stones)
... raspberry tea !!
(for those darn kidney stones)
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Twas the Night Before a Crohnie Christmas
This year, I came up with my own version of the famous poem. There are some words that might offend, but.....well.....I never said I was politically correct =)
Enjoy !!!
His eyes, how they squinted! His face quite scary!
He let out a fart, not pleasant or airey!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
I was getting prepared, he was gonna let another one go.
The bags under his eyes, I saw his fatigue
That comes from living with this dam Crohn's Disease.
He had a broad face, (must be the Prednisone),
If he didn’t hurry, he would soon need the throne.
He was chubby and plump, a right smelly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
The moon face, mood swings and twitch of the head,
Soon gave me to know it was for sure the Pred.
Enjoy !!!
‘Twas the night
before a Crohnie Christmas, quiet as a mouse
Trying to get to the bathroom without disturbing the spouse.
The TP was hung by the toilet with care,
In hopes that I don’t run out whilst I sit there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
I hope I’m not too loud lest I wake their sleepy heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
But I had to get up, I needed to crap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my throne to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Still pulling up my underwear to cover my ass.
I live on the coast so there wasn’t any snow
Just dreary wet grass that I can see below.
When, what to my very tired eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
A decrepit old driver, not lively or quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
He didn’t look well, he must be inflamed,
But he whistled, and shouted, and called his reindeer by name!
"Now Crohns! Now, Colitis! Now, Pain and Grouch!
On, Abscess! On, Fistula! On, Ostomy and J-Pouch!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
And then, in an instant, I heard on the roof,
The scratching and farting of that big, silly goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his toe,
He looked very fatigued, he moved really slow.
A bundle of toys he had flung on my chair,
He looked in pain, it must be a flare.
Trying to get to the bathroom without disturbing the spouse.
The TP was hung by the toilet with care,
In hopes that I don’t run out whilst I sit there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
I hope I’m not too loud lest I wake their sleepy heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
But I had to get up, I needed to crap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my throne to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Still pulling up my underwear to cover my ass.
I live on the coast so there wasn’t any snow
Just dreary wet grass that I can see below.
When, what to my very tired eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
A decrepit old driver, not lively or quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
He didn’t look well, he must be inflamed,
But he whistled, and shouted, and called his reindeer by name!
"Now Crohns! Now, Colitis! Now, Pain and Grouch!
On, Abscess! On, Fistula! On, Ostomy and J-Pouch!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
And then, in an instant, I heard on the roof,
The scratching and farting of that big, silly goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his toe,
He looked very fatigued, he moved really slow.
A bundle of toys he had flung on my chair,
He looked in pain, it must be a flare.
His eyes, how they squinted! His face quite scary!
He let out a fart, not pleasant or airey!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
I was getting prepared, he was gonna let another one go.
The bags under his eyes, I saw his fatigue
That comes from living with this dam Crohn's Disease.
He had a broad face, (must be the Prednisone),
If he didn’t hurry, he would soon need the throne.
He was chubby and plump, a right smelly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
The moon face, mood swings and twitch of the head,
Soon gave me to know it was for sure the Pred.
He
spoke not a word, but went straight to the bathroom,
And filled my toilet with a splat! and a KABOOM!
And laying his fingers, covering his nose,
Giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, he now weighed so much less,
He thanked me and apologized for the big mess.
But when I heard him exclaim, I realized he knew our plight,
“I have Crohn’s Disease too, it’s going to be one HELL of a night!!”
And filled my toilet with a splat! and a KABOOM!
And laying his fingers, covering his nose,
Giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, he now weighed so much less,
He thanked me and apologized for the big mess.
But when I heard him exclaim, I realized he knew our plight,
“I have Crohn’s Disease too, it’s going to be one HELL of a night!!”
Crohns Advent Calendar - Day 20
Opening the bathroom stall this morning to find...
... sleeping pills !!
(you know you want them....)
... sleeping pills !!
(you know you want them....)
Friday, December 19, 2014
Crohns Advent Calendar - Day 19
Opening the bathroom stall door this morning to find...
... a spray bottle of "Crohn-Away" !!
(for those days you just want it to go away)
... a spray bottle of "Crohn-Away" !!
(for those days you just want it to go away)
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Crohns Advent Calendar - Day 18
Opening the bathroom stall door this morning to find...
... protein bars !!!
... protein bars !!!
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Crohns Advent Calendar - Day 17
Opening the bathroom stall door this morning to find...
... a "365 Reasons Why You Can't Do Something" book
(one for every day of the year, cuz you're going to need it)
... a "365 Reasons Why You Can't Do Something" book
(one for every day of the year, cuz you're going to need it)
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Crohns Advent Calendar - Day 16
Opening the bathroom stall door this morning to find...
... Biologics !!!
... Biologics !!!
Monday, December 15, 2014
Crohns Advent Calendar - Day 15
Opening the bathroom stall door this morning to find...
... energy drinks !!!
(and OH do we need that!)
... energy drinks !!!
(and OH do we need that!)
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