'Twas The Night Before a Crohn's Christmas...

I wanted to share this with everyone.  Don't know who wrote it, but I give them two thumbs up.  And there is a language warning before you read......but enjoy!

'Twas the night before Christmas and everyone waited with glee
Except for the one in the bathroom-I have CD.
The Charmin was hung by the toilet with care
In hopes that I'd reach it before ruining more underwear.
I started at night when I was snug in my bed,
Those rumblings I heard were not in my head.
I'd been looking forward to a long, restful nap
But had to get up for a much needed crap
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,
I exited the crapper to see what was the matter!
I opened my door, and it hit like a flash…
This god-awful stench-I fell on my ass.
I opened my window and threw up in the snow
It covered the nativity scene down below.
And what to my bloodshot eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh with some tiny reindeer.
A decrepit old driver, not lively or quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
Slowly-with effort, those reindeer, they came
As he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
"Now, Crohn's! Now, Colitis! Now J-Pouch and Ostomy!
On, Hemorrhoid! On, Fissure! On, Stool O Bloody!
To the top of the house, to the top of the wall!
Now dash, little bastards, and don't let me fall!"
And then, in an instant, I heard on the roof
The scratching and farting of that big, ol' dumb goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in red, from his head to his toe,
And he smelled like hell…he really had to go.
A bundle of toys he had flung on my couch.
He winked at me and said, "Wanna see my J-Pouch?"
His eyes-how they twinkled as he let out a fart.
It smelled worse than mine-nearly stopped my dear heart!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
If not for the beard, it'd resemble an @#%$!
The bags under his eyes-I saw the fatigue
That comes from living with Crohn's or UC.
Plus a bad case of D had filled his round belly,
And shook when he farted-it was oh, so smelly.
He was chubby and plump; he screamed at his elf.
I laughed when I saw this, in spite of myself.
The moon face, the mood swings-the twitch of his head,
I knew right away…side effects of the Pred.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to the bathroom
And filled my toilet with a *splat* and a VVVAROOOMMMMM!
Using his finger to close up his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh; he weighed ten pounds less.
And thanking me for the Charmin, he apologized for the mess.
As I heard him cry out, I realized he knew of our plight:
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS!
"I'VE IBD TOO, AND I'M HAVING ONE HELL OF A NIGHT!"

And The Beat Goes On

Funny thing about Crohn's.  You just never know.  Hour by hour, day to day, week to week, month by month and year to year, you just never know.  You can wake up in the morning and everything is great, and then by lunch, you feel like crap.  And you know what?  There is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it.
Last January I was in hospital for....well...they never DID find out what was wrong.  Some sort of virus.  For a normal person, a few days in bed and they'd be fine.  A crohn's sufferer, hospital for a week.  But, having said all that, I felt great afterwards.  I gained weight, I couldn't stop eating and I had energy.
Now?  I feel worn out, tired, losing weight (140lbs at 5' 10"), I eat, but not as much, and the evergy level has just, well, gone. 
Why?  Who the f knows.  Is it the crohn's, stress from work....both.  Who know really.  I'm heading to the specialist in a few weeks to discuss Remicade and we'll go from there.

If I could bottle my weight loss, I'd be a billionare.  Except for the side affects of course.

Remember Them

It's November again and I would like everyone to take a few minutes and remember those that have lost their lives in the fight that we all can live in freedom.

 If you can't "remember", show some respect to those who fought the fight and still do.  The Vets, young and old, deserve our thanks.

So at 11am, on the 11th day, of the 11th month, of the 11th year this year, take 2 minutes to pause and remember, reflect or quietly give thanks.....it's 2 minutes people....2...I think it's the LEAST we can do, don't ya think.  Take a few minutes and watch the video below..

Thanks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYlrrAWCTRg

Happy Halloween

I look around these days at how many different types of costumes there are out there and got to thinking how "un" scary they really are.  I mean, what's more scarier than a Crohn's patient?

Take me for example, numerous scars of different sizes, that are actually real, abcesses, fistulas, fissures of different sizes and severity, real moaning, from abdominal pain, skinny as a rail, not to mention the life-like gurgling and churning coming from my insides.....oh wait, those ARE real....and I can make them louder by eating certain foods! 
Wow! this is an awesome costume so far... Now let's make it really scary by adding scary foods and drinks....ooooooooooooooo......
How bout a bowl of nuts, with raisins, cranberries, popcorn, dried apricots and mango's to start and a glass of unfiltered water.....mildly spooky. 
Well then let's get freaky and add a side dish of raw carrots, broccoli, cauliflower and those mini onions with a glass of Coke....AAAAAA!!  are you starting to hide your eyes yet...? 
Well let's go gorey shall we and have a plate of turkey, spinach, lettuce, brussel sprouts and corn.....and for dessert?  Get ready for it............hide!!!!....... ICE CREAM!!!

 NOOOOOOOOOO, not that!!  Anything but that!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ohhh the HORROR!!!

So, while you are out this year with all the little ghosts and goblins and your little ones say to you,
"Daddy? What's the scariest costume you've ever seen?"  Look around you, a Crohn's patient could be standing right next to you and you won't even know it.

Whooooooaaaaaaaahhhaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

Boo.


Having said all that, I'm curious what everyone's "scariest" food, or foods are.

Have a happy Halloween.

New Sport

As I am still laid up, I was watching TV today and came across a triathlon race.  So I was watching it and they were mentioning what great times everyone was getting and I found myself saying out loud "HA!  You think THAT's a good time, you should be me when I have to go to the washroom!"

Then that got me to thinking.  There should be a Crohn's awareness biathlon, involving two sports in particular, that sum up Crohn's Disease.....running and driving.  Because I know there have been many times where I literally run to the washroom and other times I drive like Schumakker to get home to use the washroom.  And I know other Crohnie's are shaking their heads in agreement here.....you could call it the Tarmac to Toilet Biathlon ( or something like that).   Hmmmm........

New Painting

It's amazing how much painting you can do while you're laid up

This one is called 'Checkers'

Sad.......But True

Had to share this picture.
I couldn't believe just how true it is.  I've heard them all, these ones and more.

Porcelain Mistress

It's weird, but as a Crohnie, and a married one at that, I feel like I'm cheating on my wife with the toilet.  It's like, everytime I have to go to the washroom, I'm "sneeking away" to visit my porcelain mistress.
Hey, I've been laid up for the past week from surgery (non Crohns).....your mind wanders.

Get Checked

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  I lost my mum to this disease, so I'm asking everyone to go get checked.

Come on....go touch yourself!!!

Starting to Paint Again

I haven't been in the mood lately to paint.....but got in to it the other night. 
So, here's "Waterfall II"